It’s fairly safe to say that Americans are blissfully unaware of cultures outside of the USA. I mean sure, they’ll celebrate St Patrick’s Day by drinking, Mardi Gras by drinking, and Cinco de Mayo by drinking, but do they really understand the meanings behind these festivals? Given that at least one American I’ve asked couldn’t tell me St Patrick was the patron saint of Ireland, probably not.
Being British and therefore possessing a British Accent I find myself on the receiving end of ignorance and often downright stupidity on a daily basis (that is, when girls aren’t trying to rub their breasts against me). This is just a small sample of some of the ridiculous comments I’ve received along with my usual retorts.
“Whereabouts in Australia are you from?”
The part where you dig and dig and don’t stop digging until you hit air
“Oh, you’re from England? I’ve been there!”
Whereabouts did you go?
“London! But only the airport.”
“Say ‘water’!”
No.
“So do you guys, like, speak real English? Like we do?
Nah, we English people are renowned for our Slovianski.
“Are US movies dubbed over by British actors?”
As a matter of fact, yes. To us, Arnold Schwarzenegger has a cockney accent.

Here he is, sweeping a chimney.
“Oh my God, say something English!”
Non, je suis désolé
“So do I sound like I have an accent?”
No, you sound like you might have been dropped as an infant.
“You must know Harry Potter then!”
The books? Yeah, they’re great!
“No, the actors.”
…

Alas, no. No I do not.
“Whereabouts in England are you from?”
Milton Keynes.
“Oh… where is that in relation to London?”
“Why do you call yourself an immigrant? You’re white!”
There is literally no response to this other than a hearty facepalm.

It's not like every alien looks different!
“Do your best American accent!”
OK. *Stands silently*
“…You aren’t saying anything.”
I know. It’s the best.
“So where exactly are you from, London or Britain?”
I… I don’t… I’m not… Urgh, I’m from Britain.
“I thought so!”

An appropriate reaction.
“Was it hard leaving South Africa?”
Pretty hard, given I was never there in the first place.
“Do they have electric washers and driers in the UK?”
No, we still use washboards and metal buckets.
“Really?”
No.

Believe it or not, this conversation happened.
“Have you ever met the Queen?”
She used to come around every week for bad movie night. She’s a violent drunk.
“So what exactly does the Queen do?”
Again, there is no real response to this, but that’s mostly because I don’t think she does very much at all.
Peace, love, and seriously if one more person asks if I’ve ridden a kangaroo
-FT